.:I’M HURT AND CONFUSED BUT I’M AFRAID TO LEAVE…

“I’m still one of Jehovah’s Witnesses although I no longer believe in it. I’m so hurt and confused, I don’t know who to believe or trust. I’m thinking about turning in my letter of disassociation, but I’m afraid of making the wrong decision and giving up my chance of living forever in paradise on earth after Armageddon. In spite of all that I’ve seen and experienced that makes me believe that this religion is not “the truth,” I still have the nagging question of what if Jehovah’s Witnesses are right and this is all an attack from Satan to get me to leave Jehovah?”

 

OUR RESPONSE:

Hello, my name is Tammie. If you’ve come this far, you may be feeling overwhelmed and deeply troubled about what to do with all the information you have uncovered in your search for truth. I know what you are going through. I was raised as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses and spent over 30 years in the organization. I was active in the ministry school from the time I was 7 years old. I pioneered with my mother and again as an adult for 4 years, during which I averaged 10 home bible studies per month and eventually saw 5 of them get baptized. I worked on assembly hall building projects, toured the facilities in New York, and spoke at an assembly once. I raised my son to be a model Jehovah’s Witness, giving his first public talk at age 5 and pioneering at age 14. You could say I was a “Jehovah’s Witness among Jehovah’s Witnesses”. Even so, I too came to the place where you are right now.

But what if this is all an illusion?
Perhaps you are struggling with the thought, “…but what if it’s all an illusion? Could it be the devil leading me to information against Jehovah’s Witnesses so that I will turn my back on Jehovah?” Despite all you have discovered and all your prayers being miraculously answered, you struggle with the possibility of being misled. Have you been the unwitting pawn in the devil’s game to deceive you into leaving the Jehovah’s Witnesses? Do you have this nagging feeling that maybe, despite all the evidence to the contrary, Jehovah’s Witnesses are right and everyone else is wrong?

My dear friend, what you are experiencing is normal. These are the “labor pains” signaling the imminent birth of your mind. You have not thought for yourself in a very long time (perhaps never if you were raised as a Jehovah’s Witness). Thinking and reasoning is all new for you and very uncomfortable. You have depended on someone else to tell you how to think, how to interpret scripture, how to walk, how to talk, and how to dress. Now you are being guided by the Spirit of God. You actually have a conscience and it’s giving you some very strong convictions. This is frightening territory you’ve embarked upon. Your world is crumbling with every scripture you read. You are hungry for anything which reveals God’s Word more clearly. Even your New World Translation has opened up to you with scriptures you never realized were there before. What’s happening to you? Are you going crazy? No, you are on the verge of believing…

My Road to Damascus
I know you would like nothing better than a “road to Damascus” experience. That’s what I wanted too. You may yet have one, but Jehovah is well able to establish the facts without all the theatrics. He will provide the answers you need to give you the faith you lack. For me, it was the day I was praying for clear and distinct answers, praying non-stop like my life depended on it (which it did). That’s when someone in my office sent me a “daily devotional”. It happened to be Matthew 7:15 “Beware of false prophets…”

At first I thought Jehovah was toying with me because after all intense time in prayer, I expected no less than a voice from heaven. I said to Jehovah; “This is not an answer…I have to know who is right and who is wrong and I have to know today!” Then out of no where, the scripture from Deuteronomy 18:22 came into my mind; “When a prophet speaks in the name of Jehovah, if the thing does not come about or come true, that is the thing which Jehovah has not spoken. The prophet has spoken it presumptuously; you shall not be afraid of him.” There it was, as plain as the nose on my face…1914, 1975 and all the false prophesies before and inbetween. It only takes one false prophecy to make a false phophet. I didn’t need any more “proof”. Now I knew who was right and who was wrong.

Believing is Seeing
You’ve heard; “Seeing is believing”, but I find it interesting that before Paul could see the truth he had to be blind. In the account of his conversion experience, he believed before he could see. 2 Corinthians 4:4 says that Satan has blinded the minds of unbelievers so that the truth about Jesus Christ cannot be seen. Isn’t it interesting that unbelief comes before unseeing? Therefore, blindness is a result of not believing.

When I debated with a Pastor once, he gave me a formula for “getting saved”. I did not understand it, nor did I possess a mustard seed’s worth of faith in it. I still don’t understand why I followed through with it. I remember going to a lonely place under a bridge in our neighborhood. I did something completely contrary to my upbringing and totally foreign to my logical mind. First, I asked Jehovah to forgive me because what I was about to do involved praying to “Jesus” and I knew that praying to Jesus was wrong. Back then I thought I knew everything. I was pitifully blind and didn’t know it (see Revelation 3:17). Still, I was reluctantly willing to believe in something I could not understand.

From that moment on I grew exponentially in my relationship with God. Doors opened up, understanding came flooding in at me from every direction. It was as if my eyes were opened and I could see for the very first time! The more I believed, the more I could see. Satan has no power to blind the believer. I didn’t have to understand everything in order to believe because believing is an act of my will, a humbling confession of the heart which I made against everything my mind understood to be right. Understanding, seeing, and discerning is the work of God’s Spirit dwelling inside me.

Seeing is God’s work, not mine. It’s the blessed result of believing. Believing is your job. One of the first scriptures I discovered in my New World Translation, shortly after my time under the bridge, was John 6:28-29, “What shall we do so that we may work the works of God? This is the work of God; that you believe Him whom He sent.” All my life I worked very hard to do what I thought were “the works of God” and I had failed to do the only work that mattered, believing in Jesus Christ.

If you find yourself on a similar journey, please be assured you are not crazy and you are not alone. Sometimes it helps to read stories of others who have been there and to talk with others. You may also find the following links on our website helpful:

How to meet Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses in Your Area
Join our Worldwide Internet Support Group for Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses - It's Free! (www.meetup.com)
Learn more about The Witnesses Now for Jesus Convention - A Worldwide Christian Convention for Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses

OTHER WEBSITE RESOURCES:

WHAT IS THE TRUTH?

OUT OF THE WATCHTOWER INTO WHAT?

IS THE WATCHTOWER "FAITHFUL AND DISCREET"?

FACTS THE WATCHTOWER SOCIETY DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW

WHAT DOES GOD REQUIRE? - BIBLICAL ANSWERS TO JEHOVAH'S WITNESS QUESTIONS

I’M THINKING ABOUT LEAVING, BUT I’M CONFUSED!  DOES ANYONE HAVE THE TRUTH?

WHAT IF JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES ARE RIGHT ABOUT ARMAGEDDON?

HOW CAN I OVERCOME THE PAIN OF LEAVING JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES?

I FEEL LIKE I’M GOING CRAZY! HOW CAN I GET WATCHTOWER THINKING OUT OF MY HEAD?

HOW DO I GET OVER THE LOSS OF MY JEHOVAH’S WITNESS FAMILY?

I WAS DISFELLOWSHIPPED. DOES JEHOVAH GOD HATE ME?

AUDIO TESTIMONY: EMOTIONAL DELIVERANCE BY EX-JW VALERIE