FAQ About Dating and Marriage

OUR CHRISTIAN DAUGHTER IS DATING A JEHOVAH’S WITNESS AND IS IN THE PROCESS OF CONVERTING. WHAT CAN WE DO?

“We raised our daughter in a Christian home but now at 18 years old, she has begun to date a Jehovah’s Witness. He has impressed her with his ‘Bible knowledge’ and has convinced her to ‘study’ his religion with one of the ladies from his Kingdom Hall.

We asked her if she would be willing to check this religion out before she gets into it.  She claims that she has already checked it out because she is on chapter eight of the book they are “studying” with her.  When we tried to give her your website article: I'M STUDYING WITH JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES. WHAT DO I NEED TO KNOW BEFORE I GET BAPTIZED?, she threw it back in our face saying that she won’t read it because it is ‘apostate’ information. We don’t know what to do! It is like she already has her mind made up and doesn’t care what we present to her.  Right now, we feel it is all about the boy.  She is mad at us because she thinks we are trying to stand in the way of her ‘true love.’  She is doing whatever it takes to get this guy. He is almost 20 years old, not in school and doesn’t even have a job.  What a loser!  Here she is a senior in high school with straight A’s, in advanced placement classes, combined with community college classes, but none of that matters to her.  She is willing to throw all this away to be with this guy. What can we do?”

OUR RESPONSE:

Dear friend,

We feel for you in this situation with your daughter. Unfortunately, what happened to your daughter is not that uncommon.  The teenage daughter filled with unstable hormones and emotional insecurities meets a handsome, young Jehovah’s Witness man who is able to dazzle her with his confident persona and “Bible knowledge.”  Before you know it, your daughter is hooked!

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I’M DATING A JEHOVAH’S WITNESS. HOW CAN I HELP HIM FIND THE TRUTH?

“I am a Christian but my boyfriend was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness.  He was disfellowshipped from the Jehovah’s Witnesses several years ago and was not a part of this religion when we met and started dating a year ago.

For the past year, he has been attending a small group Bible study with me and my friends from church.  However, he still holds onto many of the beliefs he was raised with and in the last six weeks, his friends and family have influenced him to go back to the meetings at the Kingdom Hall. He is now trying to get reinstated and has even asked me to “study” with his mom.  I am scared about what this religion will do to our relationship and I feel like I am losing the man I love.  It is truly a spiritual battle.  He is no longer attending my church’s small group Bible studies and our religious discussions have become more intense.  How can I witness to him about my faith and help him find the truth in Christ without arguing and destroying our relationship?”

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MY FIANCÉ IS STUDYING TO BECOME A JEHOVAH’S WITNESS. What Questions Can I Ask To Challenge His Decision?

“I am a committed Christian, but my fiancé just started studying to become a Jehovah’s Witness.  The thought of one of my closest loved ones joining this cult scares me.  He has two sisters who are very hypocritical Jehovah’s Witnesses.  What should I do?  What questions should I ask and what should I avoid when talking to him about his choice of religion?”

OUR RESPONSE:

Dear Friend,

It is good that you are concerned about the decision your fiancé has made to begin studying with the Jehovah’s Witnesses.  The fact that his sisters are Jehovah’s Witnesses and the fact that he waited until you were committed to marrying him before he started “studying” to join this religion makes us wonder if he had prior experience in this religion and has just been waiting for the right time to bring this religion into your relationship.

Do you know if he was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness?  Was he baptized into the Jehovah’s Witnesses but “disfellowshipped” (kicked out) prior to meeting you?  If his sisters are recent converts and this is his first experience with the Jehovah’s Witnesses, there is a good chance that he simply doesn’t know what he is getting into and you may be able to intervene to help him change his mind.

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 I'M ENGAGED TO MARRY A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS. WHAT ARE THE PROS AND CONS OF A RELATIONSHIP WITH A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS?

I am a Christian who is engaged to marry a woman who was raised as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses but she is not a devout member herself. Her mother and step-father are very active in the Watchtower organization. She does have bible study with her mother and a few of her friends who are also Jehovah’s witnesses. My question is what would be the pro’s and con’s in terms of a relationship with a Jehovah’s Witness? Would it be more negative than positive in a marriage?

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MY HUSBAND JUST CONVERTED TO THE JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES. I FEEL LIKE OUR MARRIAGE IS FALLING APART. WHAT CAN I DO?

“My husband is in the process of being recruited to the Jehovah’s Witnesses. He started studying the Jehovah’s Witness religion with a female co-worker at his job.  He has been doing these “bible studies” without my knowledge for several months now.

I was shocked when I first discovered this and felt betrayed and blindsided by the news.  He is now refusing to attend church with the kids and me because he thinks that our church isn’t teaching the correct information.  I feel like our marriage is spiraling out of control.  It is heartbreaking to see how ingrained their teachings are in him.  He doesn’t even act like the same person he once was.  He has become so devoted to the Jehovah’s Witnesses that he spends most of his time with them and rarely spends time with us. He was raised in a Christian church, but I’m afraid that he never really got the message there.  I am concerned about our children and the influence he will have on them.  Our children are asking questions as to why daddy isn’t going to church with us anymore. He is open to doing a “bible study” with me, but our discussions about religion always seem to get into heated arguments when I point out the discrepancies in the Jehovah’s Witness teachings.  If I attempt to question anything about it, he turns defensive and treats me like I am an idiot.  The most upsetting part about this is that I went to a Christian college and I have studied these things extensively.  He, on the other hand, has not received any formal education in religion, but yet, he thinks he has it all figured out and that I don’t know what I am talking about. I am hurting and feel like I am causing division for the kids, but I cannot go along with his devotion to the Jehovah’s Witnesses.  Nor do I want my children to be used as pawns between us. I am afraid that next thing he will do is to insist that the kids go with him to the Kingdom Hall. What can I do to protect them? How do I make this work without jeopardizing our kids or hurting our marriage relationship further?  I love my husband but I am at my wits end on what to do next.”

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MY WIFE RECENTLY JOINED JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES. HOW CAN I GET THROUGH TO HER?

My wife recently joined Jehovah’s Witnesses.  We had a bad experience at our last church.  They had hired a new pastor who complained a lot and she felt this new pastor was not acting very “Christian.”  I told her that everybody is “human” and dismissed her concerns.  Then, the church fired a close friend of hers who had helped her with her duties at the church. When the new pastor disregarded her criticism over the incident, she left feeling very disappointed and bitter. Then, our son got into serious trouble.  With the events going on in our lives at the time, my wife was a poster child for what the Jehovah’s Witnesses were looking for.

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SHOULD I DIVORCE MY JEHOVAH’S WITNESS SPOUSE TO PROTECT MY KIDS?

“Hi. I am thinking about filing for divorce from my Jehovah’s Witness husband.  We have two children, a 2 year old and a 10 month old.  Originally, I was looking to do a legal separation since I don’t know if I have biblical justification for a divorce, but in my state, legal separation is not recognized.  So, in order to protect my children and me, I am thinking about divorce. 

I am afraid that if I leave him without taking care of legalities, he would just get a Watchtower lawyer and have grounds to take our kids from me. When we were married 3 1/2 years ago, we were both mainstream Christians, on fire for the Lord.  A year and half ago, he quickly converted to the Jehovah’s Witnesses when they provided “evidence” for their “truth.”  I never believed in what they were saying, and I am glad that I held my spiritual ground.  We really ran into trouble when my husband decided last year that he would no longer allow me to bring our children to church.  I was devastated that he would do this.   The one time I tried to stand up to him and told him that I would bring our daughter anyway, he simply held her in his arms knowing that I would not physically fight him over it, especially not in front of our newborn son.  I then proceeded to begin taking our newborn son to church with me, but when he was about 5 months old, and still breastfeeding, he told me I would no longer be allowed to bring him with me either.

I confronted my husband around the time he was baptized into the organization eight months ago as to whether we would be able to make a compromise by which both of us would take turns bringing the children with us to our churches. I even offered to go with him to the Kingdom Hall once a month, so we could go as a family if my compromise was granted.  He adamantly refused and stated that we would have to be split up before I could bring them with me to my church.  So, this is where we have ended up.

I have a job here but he is unemployed, partly because of the economy, but really because of Watchtower brainwashing.  He could have a good job right now, but it would require him to work on the Air Force Base that, of course, bothers his Jehovah’s Witness conscience since he wouldn’t even think of being remotely associated with the military.  All of this brings me to ask, if I file for divorce, what can I do to protect us if this gets dirty? I have seen the Jehovah’s Witness packet entitled, “Preparing for Child Custody Cases” and it disgusts me.  I am thankful that my children are too small to be questioned. Thanks in advance for any advice you may be able to offer.”

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I AM COUNSELING A JEHOVAH’S WITNESS COUPLE. How can I help the abused spouse face her Jehovah’s Witness husband and her religion?

“I am a therapist working with a couple who are both Jehovah’s Witnesses.  I have absolutely no experience with this belief system, and although I am a Christian, I have found it difficult to fully grasp some of what I have been hearing from these two.  My question pertains to emotional abuse and divorce. One of the partners feels that the other is being emotionally abusive, and she has a long history with the Jehovah’s Witness religion. She is worried that by leaving her husband (who does not see how his behavior is impacting his relationship with his wife, and tends to blame her), she will lose all of her social connection.  The upshot is that if she leaves her husband, her life changes, and this is keeping her in an abusive relationship.  What do you suggest I can use to help her.  She is terrified to leave, but also terrified to stay.”

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.:HAVE I LOST MY WIFE BECAUSE I AM NOT A JEHOVAH’S WITNESS?

“Hi, would like some advice please. I am not and never have been a Jehovah’s Witness, and was a normal happy married man until 4 years ago when my wife started to do her study with Jehovah’s Witnesses. She has since been baptized and our marriage has failed. My question is: Have I lost her due to me not being a witness? Is there any evidence I can provide her with to try and get her back? I have no idea what to do. I believe in God. I pray and I live a normal life, but I am very confused and lost.”

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.:MY JEHOVAH’S WITNESS BOYFRIEND LEFT ME TO RETURN TO THE KINGDOM HALL.  I Am Hurt, What Do I Do Now?

“I was dating someone who converted to the Jehovah Witness last year.  He found out later that there were a lot of things that the Kingdom Hall did not explain to him until after he got baptized.  On the side, he was still secretly seeing me and hanging out with me.  Other Jehovah’s Witness at the Hall saw his car over at my place and they reported it to the elder.  Then, the elder got involved and warned him that he needed to break up with me.

He told me privately that he was going to leave the Watchtower organization because he didn’t agree with a lot of the things that were going on there.  So, he asked me to go online and print out information that would prove them wrong.  When I showed him the information that they are a cult, he took it to the elder who spoke with him for 5 hours!  When he came back to talk to me, he had a change of heart and said that he was going to stay with the Kingdom Hall.  He said that the elder explained away everything I told him about and he warned him not to believe everything he reads on the Internet.  He then told him that he needs to get rid of his past which was me.  I am so hurt how he lead me on all this time, had me thinking that we were going to be together and how he was going to leave the Hall.  So now when I speak with him, he’s cold, brief and very, very short and doesn’t have much to say to me any more.  I am so hurt, I feel like I’ve wasted so much time and had been mislead from all the lies he told me. I don’t know what else to do.”

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.:CAN A JEHOVAH’S WITNESS MARRY SOMEONE WHO IS NOT A WITNESS?

“I have been reading Tammie’s story on your website about her experiences in the Jehovah’s Witnesses. I found it very interesting because I was thinking about converting from a Protestant background to the Jehovah’s Witness faith because I want to marry a lady who is a Jehovah Witness.  When I read the part of Tammie’s story where she married a man outside of the Jehovah’s Witness religion I was surprised.  Can a Jehovah’s Witness really marry someone outside of their faith?  I would really like to know more about this religion and how a Jehovah’s Witness can marry a non-Jehovah’s Witness so that I can make a good decision on whether or not to marry this Jehovah’s Witness and whether I need to convert to do so.”

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.:DATING AND MARRYING A JEHOVAH’S WITNESS: Should I convert to the Jehovah’s Witness religion to continue dating my Jehovah's Witness girlfriend?  What should we expect if I don't convert and she leaves her religion for me?

“I am in love with a lady who was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness and I want to marry her, but I do not want her to be disfellowshipped and lose her family due to our relationship.  I am mostly concerned about her losing her parents. I want to know if we can still date if I become a Jehovah’s Witness with the purpose of continuing our dating relationship or will that pose a problem? I want to be with her more than anything and that’s why I am asking for your help.  If she is not a devout Jehovah’s Witness, can she walk away from this religion? Will she still have her parents if she leaves on her own or will that be worse then being disfellowshipped (excommunicated)? I am looking for a loophole. I know that is not the right thing to do, but she loves me and I love her. As for the articles I have read on your site, I have read them thoroughly and I like what you said in one of your articles: ‘…that a person who is truly in love with another person should be able to put their relationship with that person before any commitment to a human organization (such as the Watchtower Society).’  I see nothing wrong with our relationship being that she doesn’t claim the Jehovah’s Witness religion but her parents do. Is it possible to go to an elder to ask for his blessing on our relationship?”

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.:MY JEHOVAH’S WITNESS HUSBAND HAS REALLY HURT ME. WHAT CAN I DO?

“My husband has been a Jehovah’s Witness for 14 years. I am not a Jehovah’s Witness, but I have been studying with them. We have been married for seven years, but I just found out that he has been seeing another lady for over a year now and has been unfaithful to me. He told me that he has given his word to Jehovah that his relationship with her is finished, but I'm not confident that it really is.  He is so secretive with his mobile phone that I often feel like I am in bed with a stranger.  He is a heavy drinker and even acts aggressive towards me, even when there isn’t anything I can think of that provoked him. What can I do to?  I love my husband, but I am afraid of being hurt all over again.”

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.:MY JEHOVAH’S WITNESS GIRLFRIEND STOPPED DATING ME BECAUSE I AM NOT A BAPTIZED JEHOVAH’S WITNESS.  WHAT CAN I DO?

“I read your website article where you discussed the pros and cons of a relationship with a Jehovah’s Witness. I agree with you that the Bible warns that a Christian should not marry outside of the Christian faith. However, I was raised Catholic and I have been dating a lady who was also raised Catholic but who had converted along with her parents to the Jehovah’s Witnesses several years ago.  Now, my girlfriend and I have been in love with each other for the past several years, but the principles and rules of her Jehovah’s Witness religion and her parents are against our relationship. They think that I am not a believer in Jehovah because I am Catholic, and their religion dictates that she cannot marry outside of the Jehovah’s Witness faith.

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.:I’M FIGHTING MY JEHOVAH'S WITNESS EX-SPOUSE FOR CHILD CUSTODY. Do You Have Any Literature I Can Present to the Court to Help My Case?

“My wife started studying with Jehovah’s Witnesses five years ago and recently left me, taking our children with her. The Jehovah’s Witnesses are not encouraging her to go back to me even though according to their policies, she doesn’t have Scriptural grounds for a divorce because there was no fornication involved. She filed for divorce and is dragging me into a custody battle over our children. Watchtower lawyers are assisting her free of charge while I am spending thousands of dollarswith a lawyer who knows little to nothing of how destructive and deceptive the Jehovah’s Witnesses are. I am worried that if she gains full custody of our children, the Jehovah’s Witness belief system will alienate them from me, just as it did to my now ex-wife.

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